A Crumb-less Cracker

I have decided that crackers need to be crumb-less. The other day I was enjoying some Ritz crackers and cheese for my afternoon snack while I was at work. I made the mistake of wearing a black shirt that day. Everything shows on a black shirt. When I was done enjoying my crackers and cheese, I looked down and realized, I had made a HUGE mess. There were crackers all over my desk, my lap and of coarse my black shirt. Later I started to feel itchy on my stomach (which I guess is normal when your stomach triples in size over a very short time) and every time I scratched my stomach I will feel something digging into my skin, which was very irritating. I then took the opportunity to look down my shirt (don't worry, I have my own office so it's not like I was doing this out in the lobby or anything) to my surprise I must have found at least 5 crackers worth of crumbs down my shirt! How they got down my shirt, I have no idea. It's not like I chew with my mouth open or anything like that. Maybe I was just enjoying those little round pieces of salty goodness a little too enthusiastically and that's what I get for it, a ridiculous amount of crumbs down my shirt.

So, now I ask you, are the crumbs necessary? Could we invent a crumb-less cracker? A cracker that possesses all the goodness that a cracker has to give, specifically a Ritz cracker, with out the mess of crumbs. Especially during this time when I have a large food catcher attached to the front of my body...

The Two Questions I Dread/Hate Now That I'm Pregnant

I went to a gathering of sorts last week with a number of people who know that I'm pregnant (and really if they didn't know, all they have to do is look. It's pretty obvious). Anyway, at least twenty people came up to me, looked down at my stomach and then asked, "how are you feeling?" The first one or two times it was fine, but after every person at this gathering did it, I'm pretty sure I wanted to start saying, "I'd be better if you would ask me that at least two more times!" Naturally, I did not, that would have been rude, I of course said that I was feeling fine. What's even more sad is that they didn't want to know about anything else like how school was or how was work or what have I been up to. After I answered that question they would just walk away. Am I really that dull and uninteresting? There isn't anything they would like to talk to me about? What if I had some questions for them? This question doesn't come up at only gatherings, it's everywhere. And sometimes they say it with such a concerned look on their faces. Like they are sorry for my bad health or something. It makes me want to run to the mirror and look at my face to make sure that I don't look incredibly ill. I mean I see myself everyday when I get ready. I don't think I look ill or downtrodden.

The next question that I HATE is, "how is your pregnancy?" Just something about it makes me want to scream. My pregnancy? Who actually asks that anymore? Clearly people do or it wouldn't be something that bugs me so much.

Whatever happened to, "Hi, how are you?" or "What's going on?" These questions were never a problem before I was pregnant, so why are they so hard to use now? Is everything else in my life suddenly put on hold now that I am? I'm not an invalid. In fact my life has been just as busy, if not more since I have become pregnant and that business has nothing to do with my current pregnant condition.

Mustard

Those of you who know me, know of my love for mustard. All kinds of mustard. And really, what's not to love? Recently I ate at a sandwich shop that so many people rave about (mostly because of their bread). Anyway, I ordered a sandwich without mayo and asked them to add mustard. They informed me that they would not be able to put any mustard on the sandwich, but that they could give me some mustard packets and I could put it on the sandwich myself. Really? You are a sandwich shop, why wouldn't you have mustard to put on your sandwiches? This leads me to a very valuable question: Why is mustard always the forgotten condiment when there are so many varieties of it? I mean really, ketchup only has one kind and that's tomato.

Mustard varieties include, but are not limited to: Regular or "American" mustard, Dijon, Brown-spicy, German, Chinese, English, Sweet, Meaux (whole grain) and the list goes on...

So, with so much variety, why is mustard left out so often? Since my sandwich shop incident, I have taken mental note when I go to eating establishments of there mustard options, or lack of mustard options. I noticed that many places will have bottles and bottles of ketchup, but no mustard, or only that packets of mustard. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just have bottles of mustard like you do your ketchup, instead of the packets? Not to mention the amount of waste that is produced by the mustard packets.

Will someone please explain to me what it is about ketchup that makes it so special and why mustard is always left out?