Sunday, January 29, 2012

Why are Boy Razors Better than Girl Razors?

This morning, Garret got mad at me when he caught me using his razor to shave my legs.
"Use your own!" he said.
"Mine sucks, I like yours better!" I said.
"Well that's just too bad." he said.
Unfortunately, I did not win this battle today, but what Garret doesn't know is that I use his razor all the time when he's not around.
The reason I like his better than mine is because it gets a much closer, cleaner shave AND hair doesn't get all clogged up in between the blades. I know that you might be thinking, "well Jenny if you rinse the blades out regularly then they won't get clogged." I do rinse them out, but the thing is with a girl razor you have to rinse them out with EVERY stroke and even then they are still clogged because there is no opening in the back. When I use Garret's razor I can go at least 3 strokes before rinsing and there is not one speck of hair left in the blades.
With all the fancy things they are doing with razors these days, you would think that they could create a lady's razor that has both the awesome effects AND the ability to go 2 or 3 strokes without getting clogged.

The perfect razor would be a combination of the men's Moch 3 and the lady's Shick Intuition (you know that one that has the soap all around it so that you don't have to use shaving cream and it leaves your legs silky smooth).
Until this one is invented I shall have to continue to use Garret's while he is not looking.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Monopoly that is Maternity Clothes

I have been on the hunt for a good pair of maternity jeans that aren't totally lame and from the 1980's. I finally found a pair at Target, although I was deeply disappointed when the price was pretty much double the price in that exact brand of jeans that weren't maternity. What makes these jeans so special? The extra elastic waste band that extends up to my bra line? Alas, I submitted to this ridiculously priced pair of jeans (keep in mind that what I think is ridiculous might just be normal. Ever sense I have started couponing, buying anything at full price is a tragedy) because if I didn't I would be doing the jimmy-rigged rubber band apparatus to my not maternity jeans (which doesn't work that well) or leaving them unbuttoned with the belly band, which ultimately meant that my pants would be falling down all day (I might not be big enough for that yet, because a lot of people have told me that it really does work).

This leads me back to my original question/complaint. What makes these jeans so special? NOTHING! Other than the fact that they give ultimate comfort and are the only thing that I can wear these days. Clearly the retail Gods have discovered that being pregnant never goes out of season which means that no matter what, this kind of clothing will always be in demand. To the retail Gods, I call you all jerks! (because that's the only thing I can do about it) We pregnant women are sacred vessels, how dare you take advantage of us in such a way?! I complained to my cashier while purchasing these jeans and he gave me a look of terror that said, "please don't shoot, I'm just a cashier," but still scanned my jeans and swiped my Visa card. sigh

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Being Pregnant is Awkwardly Awesome

First off, I just have to say that whoever said that being pregnant was a wonderful experience because it was the beautiful miracle of life, totally lied. I mean yes, it is the miracle of life, but it's not beautiful and wonderful. Unless they enjoy puking all do or feeling like you are going to puke all day, wishing that you would and then when you finally do, not feeling better. At least with the stomach flu you feel better after you throw up.
Currently I'm at that awkward phase where I'm clearly bigger and unable to fit into any clothes, but maternity clothes are just too big and people don't know how to approach me because they think I might be pregnant, but asking would be too weird. I mean what if I weren't pregnant? It's no fun to be that dumb person who just assumes that you are pregnant and asks when really it's just an obscene amount of weight gain so now that person is just a jerk for calling you fat.
The other day at church a woman in relief society was probing about my rapid weight gain. This is how the conversation went:

Lady: So, how long have you been married?
Me: Two years
Lady: How many kids do you want to have (awkward stare at my stomach)?
Me: A few
Lady: How many kids do you have now (awkward stare at my stomach)?
Me: None right now.
Lady: When are you going to have kids (yet another awkward stare at my stomach)?
At this point I figured I better say something because it was clear that she was struggling with the inner conflict to ask or not to ask.
Me: Oh well, I am pregnant now.
Lady: I KNEW IT!

I hope to have many more awkward conversations just like this one with so many more people.